One more Sleep!!!!!

I cant believe this night has come, the very last sleep before the very last treatment. Only 13 Hrs and 52 Mins to go and the rate I'm going I can sleep most of them! Yep still had sleeping sickness and dreadful headache today, sure it was too much build up of morphine as took none all day today and started to feel a little bit better in the last hour or two, but had to take a slow release one just now as dont know whats worse, had to go to the loo and it was a living hell so obviously was back to feeling the raw pain.

I was trying to think of something humerous I could take the radiographers tomorrow, like a trophy for best burning or the LP of Johnny Cash's burn song or something but nothing very good has sprung to mind, might just take them some chocolates, boy will it be good to not see them anymore.

Phil has his mummy here now which is very nice for us both, particularly him, she's a great source of entertainment, we started watching big brother (bunch of weirdos) and she thought it was "I'm a Celebrity", then she thought they were in Australia, she was clearly still on I'm a Celebrity and had never seen Big Brother before. Anyway source of constant silly remarks that make us laugh which is a good tonic. Bless her she's really easy to have around and Phil has a constant personal tea maker in the house now so that will cheer him up. Mums and their boys eh. Anyway while I'm on the subject of Big Brother, are they the biggest bunch of weirdos or what, I already really hate most of them but Shabby is probably top of my list. And another thing why do none of them have normal names, anyway of course it will be totally addictive and stupid and no doubt we will be watching it every night, I have a real love/hate relationship with it, Phil just loves it what can I say.....

Nana bought some lovely flowers with her, thanks Mark and Deborah for them and the lovely words, and thank you Toby for the flowers too in fact thanks everyone who has been reminding me today that I only have one day left to go, I'm sure you are as relieved as I am, and honestly I'm really not that brave, I really really hate needles now, think thats going to be a real problem for me in the future, you see I'm a chicken really. Want to get shot of portacath now, spoke to Dr Essapen's secretary today, she is a lovely lady, anyway Naughty Naughty Dr Essapen had forgotten to mention it to her so I did a little chase myself and hope to hear back tomorrow on date next week to remove it.

I also bought a very interesting book which turned up from Amazon today, called "Anti Cancer - A new way of life". Its written by a doctor that had cancer and its very interesting and well written and not stupid like some of them are, telling you to forgo all traditional medicine. I would recommend it for anyone who is or has a loved one going through this ordeal. Some interesting research done on adopted kids, the bell curve of median lengths of survival (honestly) and stuff that prove its how we live not our genes that predispose us to cancer and you dont have to subscribe to the norm, so if its in your family its more the fact you share the same lifestyle that would mean you might get it too than the fact it runs in the family. Not to say none of it is that but that what we do makes a bigger difference than we think. Makes a lot of sense to me given that no one in my family has suffered from Cancer that I know about. Anyway I strongly believe that whatever it is that you believe will help you (so in my case eating a few more berries and other "superfoods" and drinking a bit less and exercising a lot more and being good and kind to people) then that is what will help you, whether that be religion, a book, talking to someone, whatever it is you need to believe in it and you've got to take the best out of the experience and try and help others. If we all did that the world would be a better place and hopefully there would be a lot less people with cancer too ;-)

Take care everyone, cant wait to try and go to sleep as it will mean I'm closer to last treatment yippee!

Love from T
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