Hi Bloggers,
Are you missing me, sorry not to be writing every day but it feels a bit indulgent to write a blog now something isnt happening every day, well obviously something is but not always something terribly interesting to write about!
Yesterday was just an amazing day, personal shopping is the way forward, no sore feet, no hot and bothered persona, no feeling exhausted and no feeling like you really need to stop for a glass of champagne. It was on tap, tee hee. I was truly truly spoilt by lovely hubby and if anyone is reading this that has cancer and can't afford quite such a luxurious treat just go have your hair, nails done or go buy a tshirt or two, even that will really lifts your spirits, honest I've done those things too so can speak with some authority on the subject ;-) Had to laugh, we left our stuff there to be packed up while we went to have a little looksey and hubby asked when was best time to come back, meaning when was best time to come back and pick up what we had just bought to which the personal shopper replies "in a couple of weeks when all the new collections are in!". At that point Phil's credit card was trembling in his pocket, I dont think it will be coming back out for a while ;-) Got some gorgeous stuff though and feeling confident about looking nice next week at Dave and Nina's wedding, especially as my dress covers my nice new "hairy" scar (yep stitch still hasnt come out yet). You know everyone says they cant see it but of course they can, they are just being polite, what they really mean is it doesnt bother them and its not that bad but of course to you its right there, bit like having a great big spot on the end of your nose!
I am feeling really really upbeat and spent pretty much all day monday working and have quite a lot coming up that means being back in the office quite a bit as of tomorrow, so its kind of back to normal I guess on the work front. I have really mixed feelings about that (I've heard this is quite common) which probably sounds strange but whilst its great to feel back to normal and whilst people keep saying how well i look I've kind of lost the security blanket of hospitals, consultants and actually doing something about the cancer. Now I'm nearly back to what I was before I started treatment (apart from no.2's, still bleeding and still painful but assuming that will subside) but my physical health is much worse (cant see me being able to run around a lake right now!) and I dont actually know if the cancer has gone so potentially I could be just the same as I was when I was diagnosed without the physical health if that makes sense. Anyway not something to dwell on but just shows how you can be up and down with these things and how the mind plays tricks with you.
On to more exciting things, the mini has arrived! not with me but its at the garage awaiting final bits to be done, I am currently on hold with beautiful music playing to be put through to the indian call centre that elephant.co.uk insurance company have so I can get the motor insurance note sent in a proper pdf (wrong first time) so that mini can register the car! By the way it takes two hours and £7.50 every time you need them to send an email (although I told them to stick it to be honest after the first time). Hold on I'm missing a trick if I (and probably the rest of you) charged that much per email I would be a millionaire by next week!, Who says women cant multitask, writing this, on the phone and watching tennis... getting quite exciting now, I may get car tomorrow night after I've had my ovaries prodded (only joking that would be hard to do without more keyhole).
Osteo tonight, can you get excited about Osteo, you can when your blooming back is hurting like mine, hopefully that will help me get more mobile. I'm thinking some exercise next week as everything is getting a little loose, you know what I mean ladies, bingo wings instead of biceps, not a cool look! Well excited about the bootcamp idea, especially now my friend Michelle is up for it too. Praying she can make it and then I can book. It feels like getting fit is my next way to keep the fight up against cancer. I just have to be doing something otherwise I'd go mad, not that I wasnt fit(ish) before you understand but it feels important right now to get back to fit if not more fit than before, I guess it makes you feel stronger and more equipped to fight the cancer or anything else for that matter.
Thats about it for today, I will touch base soon, let you know how the new car and groove at the grove goes. Oh yes and Mums night out tonight and the year 3 teachers are going, I'm thinking ply them with drinks and get the goss on Mr Graham, now that does sound good content for a blog!
Take care
T
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Sun, Sun, Sun!
Hi all,
well not a lot to report since my great friday! Basically a normal weekend, how exciting just to have one of those. We had double picnic yesterday, one at Connor's sports day and the second in a rather nice garden at a house in Windlesham with some of the friends from school. A really lovely day and evening lounging around being "normal", at least the mozzies dont find me too attractive these days which is a bonus.
Just spent a blooming fortune online indulging my sons interest in cricket much to his dads annoyance and looking at fitness boot camps at the grove, just up my steet I really fancy that as a way to get back to fitness, never one to do things by halves ;-)
What does the week ahead hold? only one doctors appointment with Mr Taylor to review my ovaries and hormone levels and some treatment for my back which is killing me. Hopefully a new car before the sun leaves us, (not so sure about the black jack now after our shocking performance today), and a team meeting in Bournemouth!
looking forward to it, every day is another day under the belt and closer to getting the all clear hopefully....
Night Night
x
well not a lot to report since my great friday! Basically a normal weekend, how exciting just to have one of those. We had double picnic yesterday, one at Connor's sports day and the second in a rather nice garden at a house in Windlesham with some of the friends from school. A really lovely day and evening lounging around being "normal", at least the mozzies dont find me too attractive these days which is a bonus.
Just spent a blooming fortune online indulging my sons interest in cricket much to his dads annoyance and looking at fitness boot camps at the grove, just up my steet I really fancy that as a way to get back to fitness, never one to do things by halves ;-)
What does the week ahead hold? only one doctors appointment with Mr Taylor to review my ovaries and hormone levels and some treatment for my back which is killing me. Hopefully a new car before the sun leaves us, (not so sure about the black jack now after our shocking performance today), and a team meeting in Bournemouth!
looking forward to it, every day is another day under the belt and closer to getting the all clear hopefully....
Night Night
x
Friday, June 25, 2010
Fantastic Day!!!!!
Bloggers started off rubbish yesterday, osteo said he's seriously worried about my back further up because of all the trauma I've experienced but by the afternoon I got to tell you I was so chuffed, went for my review with Dr Essapen yesterday and she was smiling and so was I despite the awful traffic into Guildford!
No more antibiotics, no more anti inflammatories and no more tummy liner pills. Yippee that just leaves application of cream...... I was almost speechless, just like that, I know its not over (full body MRI and CT scan plus biopsies in a monthish) but no bloods, no more treatment just a little looksy. She couldnt believe how quickly I was healing, she said she has a lady at same stage and she is just nowhere near as good as me and I've had the infection as well. I am truly a superwoman, I could have jumped for joy.
We had a laugh over the fact I've dealt with everything so well but couldnt bear to take off the scabby steristrips where they removed the portacath complete wimp where that is concerned, Dr Essapen did it for me so now I have a nice square mark where it was, dead attractive! Oh god I've got the hairy stitch again, hubby keep away.......
Today was also the 5th anniversary of lovely Betty being with us, we were very naughty we went for some dinner in the local pub (the boys went home after a bit, think Hubby might have had a tinsy hangover from the night before) and drank a bottle of wine and two glasses of champagne to celebrate our happy day and then walked home, in clogs of all things! Great suggestion Betty but now have a whopper blister on the bottom of my foot. We might have been a teensy bit drunk, we were eating ice cream, chocolate all things naughty always a sign that we've had a couple. It was so exciting, havent been able to do that for a long time, I'm sure I shouldnt have but it was good for the soul.
So all in all a very very good day oh yes and the patio is finished, boy it looks cool, cant wait for the jacuzzi to turn up, can you tell I'm in a good mood ;-) Another reason, its friday morning and I've done the number for the week already with some good upside for the week, yippee thank you team.
Cheerio for now, more workies and then guess what, yes you know, Mr Quaile, another hospital visit for me, lovely.
X
No more antibiotics, no more anti inflammatories and no more tummy liner pills. Yippee that just leaves application of cream...... I was almost speechless, just like that, I know its not over (full body MRI and CT scan plus biopsies in a monthish) but no bloods, no more treatment just a little looksy. She couldnt believe how quickly I was healing, she said she has a lady at same stage and she is just nowhere near as good as me and I've had the infection as well. I am truly a superwoman, I could have jumped for joy.
We had a laugh over the fact I've dealt with everything so well but couldnt bear to take off the scabby steristrips where they removed the portacath complete wimp where that is concerned, Dr Essapen did it for me so now I have a nice square mark where it was, dead attractive! Oh god I've got the hairy stitch again, hubby keep away.......
Today was also the 5th anniversary of lovely Betty being with us, we were very naughty we went for some dinner in the local pub (the boys went home after a bit, think Hubby might have had a tinsy hangover from the night before) and drank a bottle of wine and two glasses of champagne to celebrate our happy day and then walked home, in clogs of all things! Great suggestion Betty but now have a whopper blister on the bottom of my foot. We might have been a teensy bit drunk, we were eating ice cream, chocolate all things naughty always a sign that we've had a couple. It was so exciting, havent been able to do that for a long time, I'm sure I shouldnt have but it was good for the soul.
So all in all a very very good day oh yes and the patio is finished, boy it looks cool, cant wait for the jacuzzi to turn up, can you tell I'm in a good mood ;-) Another reason, its friday morning and I've done the number for the week already with some good upside for the week, yippee thank you team.
Cheerio for now, more workies and then guess what, yes you know, Mr Quaile, another hospital visit for me, lovely.
X
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Wasted Trip!
Hi there bloggers,
sitting home and very alone as hubby and betty both away for the night (not together you understand ;-) so thought I would fill you in on my day. Its actually a day more about backs than anything else for a change. Supposed to see my consultant this morning (Mr Quaile) for my six month check up so i duly rush out the house and rush to basingstoke for my 11am appointment only to find that his secretary had booked me in for an xray and appt with him at the Mount Alverna in Guildford. Uhhh hold on a minute been seeing him for over 2 years and never been there so why today of all bloomin' days did she book me at Guildford, how ironic when thats where I have to go for everything else that today I was in Basingstoke. I could have screamed, anyway the great news Mrs Wright was that they could fit me in Friday! Great ! Oncologist Thursday, Back Specialist Friday and I just love driving to Basingstoke. Been to see my Osteo also tonight who said my left leg was wasting away and my back is basically a complete mess because of all the trauma of the cancer. Any more cheerful news I ask myself. Thank goodness England pulled their finger out today, the patio is looking really rather awesome and that tennis game tonight. 57 games in the last set and still not finished, unbelievable! Then snuck Dairy Milk and watched Eastenders on my own, no interruptions with a lovely cup of tea. Heaven, well for one night, I actually secretly hate being on my own in the evenings.
Still dont have final date for mini but have talked them into lending me a car from next week so i can start being mobile 'ish' again.
Arm is a lot better now, hip hip hoorah, only another few days antibiotics to go and bottom, well its getting there, definite improvement until have to go the loo proper when body gives me a little reminder but amazing how the body heals in a week, unbelievable.
So there you go lots of positives to think about but got to confess my back is totally killing me sitting on this sofa so pushing off now to go cuddle my little monkey ;-)
See you
x
sitting home and very alone as hubby and betty both away for the night (not together you understand ;-) so thought I would fill you in on my day. Its actually a day more about backs than anything else for a change. Supposed to see my consultant this morning (Mr Quaile) for my six month check up so i duly rush out the house and rush to basingstoke for my 11am appointment only to find that his secretary had booked me in for an xray and appt with him at the Mount Alverna in Guildford. Uhhh hold on a minute been seeing him for over 2 years and never been there so why today of all bloomin' days did she book me at Guildford, how ironic when thats where I have to go for everything else that today I was in Basingstoke. I could have screamed, anyway the great news Mrs Wright was that they could fit me in Friday! Great ! Oncologist Thursday, Back Specialist Friday and I just love driving to Basingstoke. Been to see my Osteo also tonight who said my left leg was wasting away and my back is basically a complete mess because of all the trauma of the cancer. Any more cheerful news I ask myself. Thank goodness England pulled their finger out today, the patio is looking really rather awesome and that tennis game tonight. 57 games in the last set and still not finished, unbelievable! Then snuck Dairy Milk and watched Eastenders on my own, no interruptions with a lovely cup of tea. Heaven, well for one night, I actually secretly hate being on my own in the evenings.
Still dont have final date for mini but have talked them into lending me a car from next week so i can start being mobile 'ish' again.
Arm is a lot better now, hip hip hoorah, only another few days antibiotics to go and bottom, well its getting there, definite improvement until have to go the loo proper when body gives me a little reminder but amazing how the body heals in a week, unbelievable.
So there you go lots of positives to think about but got to confess my back is totally killing me sitting on this sofa so pushing off now to go cuddle my little monkey ;-)
See you
x
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Two for the price of One!
Yes sorry peeps, had a rather horrendous day yesterday so just been enjoying a bit of peace, quiet and sun today before I got round to my double blog ;-)
So lets go back to the beginning of yesterday shall we, I needed to go pick up some more of the miracle flamazine cream but my arm had really been bothering me all weekend and antibiotics were due to run out so I was a bit concerned and thought I'd better just ask about it. So began 4 hours of waiting for people, ultrasound, results, more people and some antibiotics, so with the travelling there and back it was a straight 5 hours. That was pretty much the whole day given I'd already spent about 3 hours on forecast calls before that. What a pain! What did I get for my troubles, more bloomin' antibiotics. Trouble was I had a suspected blood clot so they needed to take it seriously, diagnosed as local flambosis in the end. Typical it would be on a day when my lovely friends from Italy were dropping by to see me, anyway it was lovely to see them after the drama of my day, not knowing whether I would be readmitted to hospital or not, so we had some yummy food and watched "The Hangover" with Italian subtitles, god that film is so funny, my bad day was nothing compared to theirs! I think Nana might have had one glass to many bless her she sort of fell out of the door up to bed. She left today which we are really sad about, its been lovely just to have her company and I know Betty will miss her as Nana kept doing her ironing! So very very quiet here today after everyone had left. Did some phone calls and kept going out to annoy the guys doing the patio :-)
Can you believe how much I have improved, I actually managed to walk down and collect Connor from school today, bit sore and tired (or is that the big dinner I just ate) now but that felt like a big achievement. The body is so amazing at repairing itself I must say.
You know with all this excitement I nearly forgot my poor back, its been pretty sore the last few days (probably due to lots of sitting around on bottom!) but realised I have my 6 monthly x ray and review with my back consultant tomorrow and then the lovely Dr Essapen on Thursday, more blood tests etc still never ending frankly. Ovary Doctor next week (I like him best his scars are the smallest/neatest ones ;-) Roll on the week when I dont have to go to some hospital or other, at least its Basingstoke tomorrow for a change. Betty will be pleased when my car finally turns up and I can get myself around on my own I'm sure. Only another couple of weeks to wait.
I guess now if I'm honest I'm just playing a waiting and healing game until I am well enough to have a biopsy and hopefully get the all clear. I allowed myself to think a couple of what ifs a couple of nights ago and shed some tears on poor hubby but like he said nothing could survive the battering they have given me so the horrid thing must have gone. Well here's hoping but really really looking forward to having it actually confirmed.
Thats about it for today, I know this is a cancer blog but I'll let you know what the back consultant says tomorrow, I'm feeling like I need some osteo/physio at the moment but otherwise it's pretty good all in all. Still going to tell him its his fault I got cancer. He is a right character Mr Quaile so I'm sure he will make some witty quip.
Night I'm off to put Connor to bed and I suspect have a few sneaky Zzzzz's myself so hope you are all enjoying the beautiful sunny evening.
x
So lets go back to the beginning of yesterday shall we, I needed to go pick up some more of the miracle flamazine cream but my arm had really been bothering me all weekend and antibiotics were due to run out so I was a bit concerned and thought I'd better just ask about it. So began 4 hours of waiting for people, ultrasound, results, more people and some antibiotics, so with the travelling there and back it was a straight 5 hours. That was pretty much the whole day given I'd already spent about 3 hours on forecast calls before that. What a pain! What did I get for my troubles, more bloomin' antibiotics. Trouble was I had a suspected blood clot so they needed to take it seriously, diagnosed as local flambosis in the end. Typical it would be on a day when my lovely friends from Italy were dropping by to see me, anyway it was lovely to see them after the drama of my day, not knowing whether I would be readmitted to hospital or not, so we had some yummy food and watched "The Hangover" with Italian subtitles, god that film is so funny, my bad day was nothing compared to theirs! I think Nana might have had one glass to many bless her she sort of fell out of the door up to bed. She left today which we are really sad about, its been lovely just to have her company and I know Betty will miss her as Nana kept doing her ironing! So very very quiet here today after everyone had left. Did some phone calls and kept going out to annoy the guys doing the patio :-)
Can you believe how much I have improved, I actually managed to walk down and collect Connor from school today, bit sore and tired (or is that the big dinner I just ate) now but that felt like a big achievement. The body is so amazing at repairing itself I must say.
You know with all this excitement I nearly forgot my poor back, its been pretty sore the last few days (probably due to lots of sitting around on bottom!) but realised I have my 6 monthly x ray and review with my back consultant tomorrow and then the lovely Dr Essapen on Thursday, more blood tests etc still never ending frankly. Ovary Doctor next week (I like him best his scars are the smallest/neatest ones ;-) Roll on the week when I dont have to go to some hospital or other, at least its Basingstoke tomorrow for a change. Betty will be pleased when my car finally turns up and I can get myself around on my own I'm sure. Only another couple of weeks to wait.
I guess now if I'm honest I'm just playing a waiting and healing game until I am well enough to have a biopsy and hopefully get the all clear. I allowed myself to think a couple of what ifs a couple of nights ago and shed some tears on poor hubby but like he said nothing could survive the battering they have given me so the horrid thing must have gone. Well here's hoping but really really looking forward to having it actually confirmed.
Thats about it for today, I know this is a cancer blog but I'll let you know what the back consultant says tomorrow, I'm feeling like I need some osteo/physio at the moment but otherwise it's pretty good all in all. Still going to tell him its his fault I got cancer. He is a right character Mr Quaile so I'm sure he will make some witty quip.
Night I'm off to put Connor to bed and I suspect have a few sneaky Zzzzz's myself so hope you are all enjoying the beautiful sunny evening.
x
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Party Party!
Amazing what a bit of bronzer and a pair of jimmy choos can do for you, and no I dont mean Phil has got either of them on in the picture above although he did buy me the gorgeous shoes, good job I was sat down all night though ;-)
Laid in bed all day so I would have the energy to go to Annabelle and Nick's party last night. It was so lovely to see everyone and feel relatively normal, we got back quite late hence the lack of blog, sorry about that.
We really had a laugh particularly with a certain couple of apps on the iphone - fat and ageing booth I think they are called you can even do them both together as demonstrated by Phil above. Ok hands off ladies, dont all rush at once!
Talking about Phil he told me he did two new things yesterday, one which will definitely never be repeated, hopefully the other one will ;-) First he was in the winners enclosure at Royal Ascot (best turned out, ok that was the horse). Dave's horse did pretty well, leading all the way until the end bless him. Secondly Phil was at Royal Ascot and didnt have a drink, of course you can guess the one which isnt going to happen again at this point ;-) He did only pop in for the one race otherwise it really would be a miracle. Anyway v, v excited he was and so was I as I had an each way bet at 22/1!
Connor has gone off to a very cool kids party, at Hamleys no less so he was very excited, dont touch the hair I think would have been his moto this morning. He keeps waking up in the morning and giving me little kisses on my face, ahhhhh, gorgeous not so little boy!
Well bloggers not a lot to report, unfortunately for Phil I'm not up to that much today, an evening out and I'm just completely pooped, do you like the pun, yes still got the problems with going to the loo, its got to get kinder at some point don't you think. Lets hope its this week as I think my car will come after that and I want to be well enough to drive it and then we're into last month of the year at work and I need to help the team kick some ass ;-)
Cheerio.
T
Friday, June 18, 2010
Home Sweet Home!
Or should I say sleep deep sleep! I've been a complete wimp and slept most of the day since I got home, just got absolutely no energy, poor body I guess it has been through quite a bit.
I am still so sore but hopefully botty has got as bad as its going to now, back to the trots though, absolutely no idea why, started in the night and wont stop, absolutely horrendous must be the new antibiotics I have for my dodgy arm thanks to the dodgy foreign sunday afternoon doctor and please tell me why do they always have BO?
Unfortunately I was awake for the football, what was that all about, so so painful. Bunch of wimps they are.
One of these days I will have some energy again and I really look forward to that day hopefully it wont be too long. I moved everything back into my bedroom today, took me ages, back with the boys, bless. Had to bring bolster cushion with me though my chest and arm are still really sore, connor has manged to wriggle half his body over it already so I've got his legs on me. I missed him and hubby so bad.
So there we go back to three in the bed and the little one said, Good Night ;-)
X
I am still so sore but hopefully botty has got as bad as its going to now, back to the trots though, absolutely no idea why, started in the night and wont stop, absolutely horrendous must be the new antibiotics I have for my dodgy arm thanks to the dodgy foreign sunday afternoon doctor and please tell me why do they always have BO?
Unfortunately I was awake for the football, what was that all about, so so painful. Bunch of wimps they are.
One of these days I will have some energy again and I really look forward to that day hopefully it wont be too long. I moved everything back into my bedroom today, took me ages, back with the boys, bless. Had to bring bolster cushion with me though my chest and arm are still really sore, connor has manged to wriggle half his body over it already so I've got his legs on me. I missed him and hubby so bad.
So there we go back to three in the bed and the little one said, Good Night ;-)
X
Thursday, June 17, 2010
No more!
Hey bloggers,
No more portacath, no more chemo, no more radiotherapy, no more peach walls and no more cancer (well here's hoping) and a darn sight more champagne, thats what I am thinking tonight.......
Cannot wait to get home tomorrow I think my botty is stuck to this bed and I'm going to have to prise it off at this rate. Didnt do bad though at racing, just a little bit ahead on the day but I really did miss being at Royal Ascot togged up with my hubby and friends, never mind you just wait for next year
Watching tiger woods story, hurry up, lets get to the juicy bit before i doze off, not a mistress in sight yet ;-)
I now have a really nasty bruise where my portacath was and where my old canula site was, sore and red, same stupid part time sunday doctor that I had when I arrived. Want my advice dont get admitted to hospital on a weekend. My bits are still sore but getting better so all in all I think I am finally turning a corner. Just need one more blood test and visit to Dr Essapen next week and then they will leave me a alone for a few weeks until I can have biopsy and scans etc.
Night for now.
T
x
No more portacath, no more chemo, no more radiotherapy, no more peach walls and no more cancer (well here's hoping) and a darn sight more champagne, thats what I am thinking tonight.......
Cannot wait to get home tomorrow I think my botty is stuck to this bed and I'm going to have to prise it off at this rate. Didnt do bad though at racing, just a little bit ahead on the day but I really did miss being at Royal Ascot togged up with my hubby and friends, never mind you just wait for next year
Watching tiger woods story, hurry up, lets get to the juicy bit before i doze off, not a mistress in sight yet ;-)
I now have a really nasty bruise where my portacath was and where my old canula site was, sore and red, same stupid part time sunday doctor that I had when I arrived. Want my advice dont get admitted to hospital on a weekend. My bits are still sore but getting better so all in all I think I am finally turning a corner. Just need one more blood test and visit to Dr Essapen next week and then they will leave me a alone for a few weeks until I can have biopsy and scans etc.
Night for now.
T
x
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Four Peach Walls!
That is what I have been looking at for the last 4 days and I am finally going completely ga ga. Dr Essapen prescribed a little bit of fresh air this afternoon so I managed to squeeze my nappy in my joggers and get outside for a little bit which was my big excitement for the day. No Leona Lewis tonight for me and no Royal Ascot tomorrow but I've just placed a couple of bets online from my Grand National winnings trouble is I shall be in surgery and miss some of the races but anyway next best thing. I hope I win, that will seriously cheer me up ;-)
Rather uneventful day really as just waiting for Dr Lopez to remove the portacath now which he couldnt do until tomorrow afternoon otherwise I could have already gone home. Anyway I'll be home by friday morning so only two more sleeps. Just one thing to mention, my body truly is unbelievable, after all the stress its been through I still got my period (sorry guys) like clockwork today, I mean what is that all about, havent I had enough. Just goes to show doesnt matter what the doctors tell you sometimes your body has its own ideas.
Feel like finally turning the corner(ish), starting to feel frustrated about things I need to do which is always a sign, long may it continue. Hubby and I getting very stressed about me being in hospital again for so long its very upsetting but soon be over, have a lovely day tomorrow Hubs, sure you will drink one or three for me!
Night all.
x
Rather uneventful day really as just waiting for Dr Lopez to remove the portacath now which he couldnt do until tomorrow afternoon otherwise I could have already gone home. Anyway I'll be home by friday morning so only two more sleeps. Just one thing to mention, my body truly is unbelievable, after all the stress its been through I still got my period (sorry guys) like clockwork today, I mean what is that all about, havent I had enough. Just goes to show doesnt matter what the doctors tell you sometimes your body has its own ideas.
Feel like finally turning the corner(ish), starting to feel frustrated about things I need to do which is always a sign, long may it continue. Hubby and I getting very stressed about me being in hospital again for so long its very upsetting but soon be over, have a lovely day tomorrow Hubs, sure you will drink one or three for me!
Night all.
x
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Hospital tales
Hi Bloggers,
How did it get to night time already I'm sitting here cheering myself up by watching crimewatch, probably not the most sensible programme to be watching but hey I never was that sensible. Amazing how time can pass so quickly when you are busy doing nothing except being poked and prodded (and visited by lovely people of course), and trust me I've definitely had my fair share of that the last couple of days!
I guess I should be glad that I survived the cancer treatment before all of this kicked off, I cant imagine how I would feel if it had happened in the middle and I had to go back to radiotherapy next week, I'm getting palpatations just thinking about it. From other blogs I've read it does seem that hospitalisation is quite common, I just cant believe they cant treat anal cancer in any better way than burning you so badly you end up in hospital, in 10 years we will be looking back no doubt and saying how archaic it is.
So no doubt you want to know what on earth has been going on, not exactly a laugh a minute here so not too many funny stories, just lots of those mean nurses. One young girl that does needles said I looked scared this morning when I saw her, she's not wrong there. I had to have my canula re-sited as I managed to get the other one infected and it was really hurting me. Every day needles and more blooming needles. Today I got a present from Count Dracula, a pint of blood, lovely, bit odd watching that go into me although it seems to have helped my blood pressure slightly. Low point was today 80/50 odd, oops a bit low even for me.
Charlie turned up with half a supermarket worth of food today (thanks hun), so been scoffing chocolates and biccies all day, beats hospital food and the boys were certainly enjoying it this evening ;-) Quite a lot of visitors today, just as well my jaw keeps wagging eh.
Dr Essapen comes to see me every day, I told her I was going to pelt her with grapes yesterday, she asked me if I had stuck pins in an effigy of her today, I think she's feeling my pain, well she will be when I stick a few more pins in the groin area! Yesterday I started getting some relief from the antibiotics and a very exciting cream called "Flamazine", someone has got a sense of humour, a burns cream called flamazine! You have never felt or seen soreness like this, even one of the nurses who used to work on a burns unit said she'd never seen anything like it, i guess its the area and the infection that made it look worse. Big Yuk. Before I got the miracle cream I did look particularly stylish with my dvt stockings, fishnet pants, mega nappy and a blue smurf hand filled with ice stuffed down it, only thing that gave me any relief. Looked hysterical, the nurses and I laughed about that one, It would have made a very funny photo but you will be glad to hear I didnt take one.
Looks like I will go home finally on Friday morning (ish). They have made Dr Lopez travel to me on Thursday to take out this darned portacath, very excited about that, to go home without any of my cancer paraphenalia just a few pesky burns will be awesome but really home, hubby and son sick.
Well time for big brother in a minute (yes still watching it sadly) so I will sign off for tonight.
Thanks everyone for caring.
T
x
How did it get to night time already I'm sitting here cheering myself up by watching crimewatch, probably not the most sensible programme to be watching but hey I never was that sensible. Amazing how time can pass so quickly when you are busy doing nothing except being poked and prodded (and visited by lovely people of course), and trust me I've definitely had my fair share of that the last couple of days!
I guess I should be glad that I survived the cancer treatment before all of this kicked off, I cant imagine how I would feel if it had happened in the middle and I had to go back to radiotherapy next week, I'm getting palpatations just thinking about it. From other blogs I've read it does seem that hospitalisation is quite common, I just cant believe they cant treat anal cancer in any better way than burning you so badly you end up in hospital, in 10 years we will be looking back no doubt and saying how archaic it is.
So no doubt you want to know what on earth has been going on, not exactly a laugh a minute here so not too many funny stories, just lots of those mean nurses. One young girl that does needles said I looked scared this morning when I saw her, she's not wrong there. I had to have my canula re-sited as I managed to get the other one infected and it was really hurting me. Every day needles and more blooming needles. Today I got a present from Count Dracula, a pint of blood, lovely, bit odd watching that go into me although it seems to have helped my blood pressure slightly. Low point was today 80/50 odd, oops a bit low even for me.
Charlie turned up with half a supermarket worth of food today (thanks hun), so been scoffing chocolates and biccies all day, beats hospital food and the boys were certainly enjoying it this evening ;-) Quite a lot of visitors today, just as well my jaw keeps wagging eh.
Dr Essapen comes to see me every day, I told her I was going to pelt her with grapes yesterday, she asked me if I had stuck pins in an effigy of her today, I think she's feeling my pain, well she will be when I stick a few more pins in the groin area! Yesterday I started getting some relief from the antibiotics and a very exciting cream called "Flamazine", someone has got a sense of humour, a burns cream called flamazine! You have never felt or seen soreness like this, even one of the nurses who used to work on a burns unit said she'd never seen anything like it, i guess its the area and the infection that made it look worse. Big Yuk. Before I got the miracle cream I did look particularly stylish with my dvt stockings, fishnet pants, mega nappy and a blue smurf hand filled with ice stuffed down it, only thing that gave me any relief. Looked hysterical, the nurses and I laughed about that one, It would have made a very funny photo but you will be glad to hear I didnt take one.
Looks like I will go home finally on Friday morning (ish). They have made Dr Lopez travel to me on Thursday to take out this darned portacath, very excited about that, to go home without any of my cancer paraphenalia just a few pesky burns will be awesome but really home, hubby and son sick.
Well time for big brother in a minute (yes still watching it sadly) so I will sign off for tonight.
Thanks everyone for caring.
T
x
Monday, June 14, 2010
Hospital Food!
Sorry bloggers if you missed me yesterday but got a bit carried away with being poorly. In fact so much so that I got admitted to Guildford Nuffield hospital yesterday (beautiful peach decor I must say :-) and am now enjoying their food (not) for the duration. No idea how long for but I have a nasty infection "down there" which they need to sort out. At least they give you free wireless and hubby bought in PC.
Got a lot to tell you but just got to have antibiotics injected, burns cream applied and sleeping tablets administered all of which may take a while so I will fill you in tomorrow morning, just thought I'd better check in in case people were worrying about me.
Night
x
Got a lot to tell you but just got to have antibiotics injected, burns cream applied and sleeping tablets administered all of which may take a while so I will fill you in tomorrow morning, just thought I'd better check in in case people were worrying about me.
Night
x
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Cheered Up!!!!
Can't keep me down for long, thank god I did not want another day feeling like yesterday or to write another down and boring blog, i might lose my readers ;-) actually no different in the appearance or feeling stakes i'm just dealing with it better today.
So I'm sure you are all glad to hear that and now you are going to ask why???? Well for those of you that always picture me as some glamorous lady I got to tell you that granny knickers and pads with wings are seriously underestimated and my life got a lot better this morning once I had them both on, although i need ultra ultra long which they dont do so its kind of which end do you do, take it in turns maybe ;-) I know too much information but you should know me by now, my bits have been more described and looked at than I care to mention since this process started so I'm pretty desensitised to the whole thing at this point so sorry If I'm still grossing out you boys.
Today has been very nice for various reasons:
* Hubby although I've missed you I've loved the texts especially the one saying you'd woken yourself up with your godawful love cats alarm tune which drives me mental, that made me giggle, I would not want to be in your head right now, I feel your double hangover already!
* Nana Betty has had us all in fits with her as I shall call them "bettyisms", lubai rather than dubai, putting washing gel tabs in the softener drawer to do the washing, shouting for lumley to come in and wondering why she didnt come when in fact she was sat at our feet the whole time, get the gist, its a laugh a minute bless her. She's horrified to think I'm posting it all on here, thank goodness she hasnt got a computer at home but just in case Mark prints them out for you Betty its all meant in the loveliest way, its been so lovely having her here you should all get a Bettys teasmaid ;-)
* Seeing the other betty's face when she opened the pressie I bought her this morning, yes I know another pressie I really am the best boss in the world ;-) ;-)
* Clean sheets and a shower - I told you the simple things in life.....
* Opening more cards from people that care and a lovely rose bush - thank you sophie and family.
* Having my lovely girlfriends round to keep me company and look after me, thank you Amanda and Amanda
* Seeing my little boys excited face when he discovered he could have a couple of his mates to stay for an impromptu sleepover - we are still trying to get them to sleep now, they look so cute all in a line, chatting away, not being naughty just chatting, lord knows what about, girls probably
* I'd love to add watching the football game to the list but personally apart from minute 4 I found it all rather boring and no I dont personally think we played that well no matter what the commentators would have me believe - especially when they are french!!!!! Much more fun was watching Nana Betty's face when John James started talking about "how long he lasted" or more to the point didnt, on Big Brother. Priceless. Bless her I'm sure its been a real education sitting around us all day.
So now time for sleep, for once Connor is in his own bed so I can be a starfish tonight what a luxury.
Hope you enjoyed the blog.
Night
x
So I'm sure you are all glad to hear that and now you are going to ask why???? Well for those of you that always picture me as some glamorous lady I got to tell you that granny knickers and pads with wings are seriously underestimated and my life got a lot better this morning once I had them both on, although i need ultra ultra long which they dont do so its kind of which end do you do, take it in turns maybe ;-) I know too much information but you should know me by now, my bits have been more described and looked at than I care to mention since this process started so I'm pretty desensitised to the whole thing at this point so sorry If I'm still grossing out you boys.
Today has been very nice for various reasons:
* Hubby although I've missed you I've loved the texts especially the one saying you'd woken yourself up with your godawful love cats alarm tune which drives me mental, that made me giggle, I would not want to be in your head right now, I feel your double hangover already!
* Nana Betty has had us all in fits with her as I shall call them "bettyisms", lubai rather than dubai, putting washing gel tabs in the softener drawer to do the washing, shouting for lumley to come in and wondering why she didnt come when in fact she was sat at our feet the whole time, get the gist, its a laugh a minute bless her. She's horrified to think I'm posting it all on here, thank goodness she hasnt got a computer at home but just in case Mark prints them out for you Betty its all meant in the loveliest way, its been so lovely having her here you should all get a Bettys teasmaid ;-)
* Seeing the other betty's face when she opened the pressie I bought her this morning, yes I know another pressie I really am the best boss in the world ;-) ;-)
* Clean sheets and a shower - I told you the simple things in life.....
* Opening more cards from people that care and a lovely rose bush - thank you sophie and family.
* Having my lovely girlfriends round to keep me company and look after me, thank you Amanda and Amanda
* Seeing my little boys excited face when he discovered he could have a couple of his mates to stay for an impromptu sleepover - we are still trying to get them to sleep now, they look so cute all in a line, chatting away, not being naughty just chatting, lord knows what about, girls probably
* I'd love to add watching the football game to the list but personally apart from minute 4 I found it all rather boring and no I dont personally think we played that well no matter what the commentators would have me believe - especially when they are french!!!!! Much more fun was watching Nana Betty's face when John James started talking about "how long he lasted" or more to the point didnt, on Big Brother. Priceless. Bless her I'm sure its been a real education sitting around us all day.
So now time for sleep, for once Connor is in his own bed so I can be a starfish tonight what a luxury.
Hope you enjoyed the blog.
Night
x
Friday, June 11, 2010
I am not laughing any more!
Bloggers i know they said it would get worse but this is ridiculous!
Now leaking constantly on to my clothes so look like I've wet/bled/shat my pants, take your pick. Totally grossing me out and very very degrading, I dont feel human at all today, my body is not my own and I have no control. Weeing is getting worse than No. 2's on the pain richter scale, no idea why but it just is. Putting me in a very bad mood, which I wanted to take out on Porsche, annoying pricks, I obviously collect hard tops for convertibles, dont even get me started its a long and boring story but they are still dicks whichever way you look at it!
Had a lot of my hair chopped today, hubby didnt sound very happy on the phone when I told him but needs must, too much had fallen out to keep it as it was, it will grow back, eventually. Honestly its not that bad hubby it's almost past my ears already. Ok Ok I really am only joking it is actually just longer than my shoulders but it was a lot to lose. I dont like it as much as before, no surprise there though, no wonder I feel a minger today. ;-)
Promised myself I'd try and stay awake until connors bedtime at least but failing abismally, need a snooze, help, I have turned into a little old lady.
Thank you to everyone for the cards and gifts today. (Sheila, Jez and Mandy, Neville & Ann particularly), bless you all, thank god for nice pressies keeping me going.
x
Now leaking constantly on to my clothes so look like I've wet/bled/shat my pants, take your pick. Totally grossing me out and very very degrading, I dont feel human at all today, my body is not my own and I have no control. Weeing is getting worse than No. 2's on the pain richter scale, no idea why but it just is. Putting me in a very bad mood, which I wanted to take out on Porsche, annoying pricks, I obviously collect hard tops for convertibles, dont even get me started its a long and boring story but they are still dicks whichever way you look at it!
Had a lot of my hair chopped today, hubby didnt sound very happy on the phone when I told him but needs must, too much had fallen out to keep it as it was, it will grow back, eventually. Honestly its not that bad hubby it's almost past my ears already. Ok Ok I really am only joking it is actually just longer than my shoulders but it was a lot to lose. I dont like it as much as before, no surprise there though, no wonder I feel a minger today. ;-)
Promised myself I'd try and stay awake until connors bedtime at least but failing abismally, need a snooze, help, I have turned into a little old lady.
Thank you to everyone for the cards and gifts today. (Sheila, Jez and Mandy, Neville & Ann particularly), bless you all, thank god for nice pressies keeping me going.
x
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Anticlimax?
Hey bloggers,
Everything has been building up to this day, having the last radiotherapy and the treatment being over but it feels odd, like there should have been a thunderbolt of lightening or something but there is nothing, same old pain, same old itching, same old soreness, same old pooing broken glass, except now there is something new, the waiting....
Waiting to feel better, waiting to be able to do normal stuff again, waiting to get the all clear, waiting to do a wee or a poo without it hurting, that would be nice ;-) It's odd but every day I've been proactively doing something to kill the cancer and get better but now I'm not going to be doing that any more. Sorry I dont mean to be down and I'm not, it truly was exciting to finish the treatment but I so desperately wanted to be well enough to enjoy it.
Sound a right misery guts don't I, well sorry about that, back to today. I took my radiotherapy ladies a card and some choccies today, bet they dont get those too often, we were all so pleased to see the back of each other ;-) I cant quite believe I'm not going tomorrow and neither can my body!
Blooming pergola I ordered to go over the hot tub isnt in stock so now its 12.16am and I'm trawling stupid websites trying to find it on a shorter than 3 week lead time even on stupid ebay, I could swear honestly, whose stupid idea was it anyway!
Hubby off to Isle of Wight festival tomorrow, not that i'm jealous, wallowing around in a load of mud yuk, oh no of course no tents for him, anyway i'm having a girly weekend which I'm really looking forward too, more ice cold rods for me, tee hee, very soothing.
Night Night
x
Everything has been building up to this day, having the last radiotherapy and the treatment being over but it feels odd, like there should have been a thunderbolt of lightening or something but there is nothing, same old pain, same old itching, same old soreness, same old pooing broken glass, except now there is something new, the waiting....
Waiting to feel better, waiting to be able to do normal stuff again, waiting to get the all clear, waiting to do a wee or a poo without it hurting, that would be nice ;-) It's odd but every day I've been proactively doing something to kill the cancer and get better but now I'm not going to be doing that any more. Sorry I dont mean to be down and I'm not, it truly was exciting to finish the treatment but I so desperately wanted to be well enough to enjoy it.
Sound a right misery guts don't I, well sorry about that, back to today. I took my radiotherapy ladies a card and some choccies today, bet they dont get those too often, we were all so pleased to see the back of each other ;-) I cant quite believe I'm not going tomorrow and neither can my body!
Blooming pergola I ordered to go over the hot tub isnt in stock so now its 12.16am and I'm trawling stupid websites trying to find it on a shorter than 3 week lead time even on stupid ebay, I could swear honestly, whose stupid idea was it anyway!
Hubby off to Isle of Wight festival tomorrow, not that i'm jealous, wallowing around in a load of mud yuk, oh no of course no tents for him, anyway i'm having a girly weekend which I'm really looking forward too, more ice cold rods for me, tee hee, very soothing.
Night Night
x
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
One more Sleep!!!!!
I cant believe this night has come, the very last sleep before the very last treatment. Only 13 Hrs and 52 Mins to go and the rate I'm going I can sleep most of them! Yep still had sleeping sickness and dreadful headache today, sure it was too much build up of morphine as took none all day today and started to feel a little bit better in the last hour or two, but had to take a slow release one just now as dont know whats worse, had to go to the loo and it was a living hell so obviously was back to feeling the raw pain.
I was trying to think of something humerous I could take the radiographers tomorrow, like a trophy for best burning or the LP of Johnny Cash's burn song or something but nothing very good has sprung to mind, might just take them some chocolates, boy will it be good to not see them anymore.
Phil has his mummy here now which is very nice for us both, particularly him, she's a great source of entertainment, we started watching big brother (bunch of weirdos) and she thought it was "I'm a Celebrity", then she thought they were in Australia, she was clearly still on I'm a Celebrity and had never seen Big Brother before. Anyway source of constant silly remarks that make us laugh which is a good tonic. Bless her she's really easy to have around and Phil has a constant personal tea maker in the house now so that will cheer him up. Mums and their boys eh. Anyway while I'm on the subject of Big Brother, are they the biggest bunch of weirdos or what, I already really hate most of them but Shabby is probably top of my list. And another thing why do none of them have normal names, anyway of course it will be totally addictive and stupid and no doubt we will be watching it every night, I have a real love/hate relationship with it, Phil just loves it what can I say.....
Nana bought some lovely flowers with her, thanks Mark and Deborah for them and the lovely words, and thank you Toby for the flowers too in fact thanks everyone who has been reminding me today that I only have one day left to go, I'm sure you are as relieved as I am, and honestly I'm really not that brave, I really really hate needles now, think thats going to be a real problem for me in the future, you see I'm a chicken really. Want to get shot of portacath now, spoke to Dr Essapen's secretary today, she is a lovely lady, anyway Naughty Naughty Dr Essapen had forgotten to mention it to her so I did a little chase myself and hope to hear back tomorrow on date next week to remove it.
I also bought a very interesting book which turned up from Amazon today, called "Anti Cancer - A new way of life". Its written by a doctor that had cancer and its very interesting and well written and not stupid like some of them are, telling you to forgo all traditional medicine. I would recommend it for anyone who is or has a loved one going through this ordeal. Some interesting research done on adopted kids, the bell curve of median lengths of survival (honestly) and stuff that prove its how we live not our genes that predispose us to cancer and you dont have to subscribe to the norm, so if its in your family its more the fact you share the same lifestyle that would mean you might get it too than the fact it runs in the family. Not to say none of it is that but that what we do makes a bigger difference than we think. Makes a lot of sense to me given that no one in my family has suffered from Cancer that I know about. Anyway I strongly believe that whatever it is that you believe will help you (so in my case eating a few more berries and other "superfoods" and drinking a bit less and exercising a lot more and being good and kind to people) then that is what will help you, whether that be religion, a book, talking to someone, whatever it is you need to believe in it and you've got to take the best out of the experience and try and help others. If we all did that the world would be a better place and hopefully there would be a lot less people with cancer too ;-)
Take care everyone, cant wait to try and go to sleep as it will mean I'm closer to last treatment yippee!
Love from T
x
I was trying to think of something humerous I could take the radiographers tomorrow, like a trophy for best burning or the LP of Johnny Cash's burn song or something but nothing very good has sprung to mind, might just take them some chocolates, boy will it be good to not see them anymore.
Phil has his mummy here now which is very nice for us both, particularly him, she's a great source of entertainment, we started watching big brother (bunch of weirdos) and she thought it was "I'm a Celebrity", then she thought they were in Australia, she was clearly still on I'm a Celebrity and had never seen Big Brother before. Anyway source of constant silly remarks that make us laugh which is a good tonic. Bless her she's really easy to have around and Phil has a constant personal tea maker in the house now so that will cheer him up. Mums and their boys eh. Anyway while I'm on the subject of Big Brother, are they the biggest bunch of weirdos or what, I already really hate most of them but Shabby is probably top of my list. And another thing why do none of them have normal names, anyway of course it will be totally addictive and stupid and no doubt we will be watching it every night, I have a real love/hate relationship with it, Phil just loves it what can I say.....
Nana bought some lovely flowers with her, thanks Mark and Deborah for them and the lovely words, and thank you Toby for the flowers too in fact thanks everyone who has been reminding me today that I only have one day left to go, I'm sure you are as relieved as I am, and honestly I'm really not that brave, I really really hate needles now, think thats going to be a real problem for me in the future, you see I'm a chicken really. Want to get shot of portacath now, spoke to Dr Essapen's secretary today, she is a lovely lady, anyway Naughty Naughty Dr Essapen had forgotten to mention it to her so I did a little chase myself and hope to hear back tomorrow on date next week to remove it.
I also bought a very interesting book which turned up from Amazon today, called "Anti Cancer - A new way of life". Its written by a doctor that had cancer and its very interesting and well written and not stupid like some of them are, telling you to forgo all traditional medicine. I would recommend it for anyone who is or has a loved one going through this ordeal. Some interesting research done on adopted kids, the bell curve of median lengths of survival (honestly) and stuff that prove its how we live not our genes that predispose us to cancer and you dont have to subscribe to the norm, so if its in your family its more the fact you share the same lifestyle that would mean you might get it too than the fact it runs in the family. Not to say none of it is that but that what we do makes a bigger difference than we think. Makes a lot of sense to me given that no one in my family has suffered from Cancer that I know about. Anyway I strongly believe that whatever it is that you believe will help you (so in my case eating a few more berries and other "superfoods" and drinking a bit less and exercising a lot more and being good and kind to people) then that is what will help you, whether that be religion, a book, talking to someone, whatever it is you need to believe in it and you've got to take the best out of the experience and try and help others. If we all did that the world would be a better place and hopefully there would be a lot less people with cancer too ;-)
Take care everyone, cant wait to try and go to sleep as it will mean I'm closer to last treatment yippee!
Love from T
x
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sleeping Sickness?
Dunno what is up with me bloggers, I've been pretty much asleep since I got home today at around 12pm! Shocking headache and generally feeling pants, think its too much morphine, but maybe its not enough, oh god what to do, maybe some chocolate will make me feel better, yep definitely, just sent hubby off on an errand to get some ;-)
In general very exciting day today though, Dr Essapen still says I'm doing well, even though I am red raw at the front, apparently its new skin so thats a good thing and hopefully in a few days that will be feeling a little bit better. You never know I might be able to walk again soon, although having hubby pushing me around in a wheelchair has its attractions, he was trying to do wheelies in the rain with me in it today, cheeky monkey. Got some slow release morphine to go with the other stuff today so I'm all morphine'd up. Most excitingly she said I should be able to get rid of the portacath next week, I am so so pleased about that. Waiting for the appointment but will probably be chasing that one tomorrow. They struggled to get my blood again today, as per usual but eventually I obliged and the good news is I'm ok, all the red meat must have helped and the injection yesterday is helping with the white blood cells.
I had some more lovely reflexology and a good old natter, the lady is lovely. Phil has been touting my blog out to nurses at the Nuffield so if any of them read this, if I've ever said you are enjoying inflicting pain on me..... its all true ;-) No only joking it just makes it more fun to imply that you do so please dont think badly of me. If you have any other patients that want to read my blog I'm really happy to share, i definitely want to do something to give something back to other sufferers after this is over and the very least I can do is to share my experiences. People are starting to say goodbye to me now as they may not see me again, wow that just feels amazing, strange but definitely amazing.
Just about managed to stay awake long enough for a little visit from Annabelle with more housey magazines, if I only had the money for all the things I want out of them, given me lots of cool ideas though, cant wait for the new slate patio with pergola and hot tub!
Promised myself to catch up on email and get the garden table and chairs on ebay today but failed miserably, hopefully I'll feel up to it in the morning, if I dont I'll stop getting email soon as my inbox is full up, oops!
Night for now, of course I'm feeling quite awake when I should be going to sleep, reminds me of being in hospital when i was always awake at night and asleep in the day.
See you tomorrow. 1 Day, 13 Hours and 21 Mins to go, only two more treatments, two more sleeps and hopefully no more poos! ;-)
x
In general very exciting day today though, Dr Essapen still says I'm doing well, even though I am red raw at the front, apparently its new skin so thats a good thing and hopefully in a few days that will be feeling a little bit better. You never know I might be able to walk again soon, although having hubby pushing me around in a wheelchair has its attractions, he was trying to do wheelies in the rain with me in it today, cheeky monkey. Got some slow release morphine to go with the other stuff today so I'm all morphine'd up. Most excitingly she said I should be able to get rid of the portacath next week, I am so so pleased about that. Waiting for the appointment but will probably be chasing that one tomorrow. They struggled to get my blood again today, as per usual but eventually I obliged and the good news is I'm ok, all the red meat must have helped and the injection yesterday is helping with the white blood cells.
I had some more lovely reflexology and a good old natter, the lady is lovely. Phil has been touting my blog out to nurses at the Nuffield so if any of them read this, if I've ever said you are enjoying inflicting pain on me..... its all true ;-) No only joking it just makes it more fun to imply that you do so please dont think badly of me. If you have any other patients that want to read my blog I'm really happy to share, i definitely want to do something to give something back to other sufferers after this is over and the very least I can do is to share my experiences. People are starting to say goodbye to me now as they may not see me again, wow that just feels amazing, strange but definitely amazing.
Just about managed to stay awake long enough for a little visit from Annabelle with more housey magazines, if I only had the money for all the things I want out of them, given me lots of cool ideas though, cant wait for the new slate patio with pergola and hot tub!
Promised myself to catch up on email and get the garden table and chairs on ebay today but failed miserably, hopefully I'll feel up to it in the morning, if I dont I'll stop getting email soon as my inbox is full up, oops!
Night for now, of course I'm feeling quite awake when I should be going to sleep, reminds me of being in hospital when i was always awake at night and asleep in the day.
See you tomorrow. 1 Day, 13 Hours and 21 Mins to go, only two more treatments, two more sleeps and hopefully no more poos! ;-)
x
Monday, June 7, 2010
The number is Three!
Bloody hell, sorry for swearing but just had to write this all again from memory well its roughly as I remember it as somehow managed to send my browser forward and the page was empty when i got back, grrrr!
Yes bloggers only three more treatments, radiographer said it looked so bad today she didnt think it could get any worse, thanks a bunch! They love putting the wax in, god that hurts.
Had to go in wheelchair today too far to walk, my arse has now been where pauls has been ;-) Anyway thank you very much, dead posh and thank god for the big fat cushion on it. Not sure about my chauffeur though, kept letting go of the handles cheeky sod, thought he was being funny as i veered off the kerb. Dont worry I didnt really but it was close......
Spoke to pain nurse today as she doesnt think i'm doing so good on the pain front, going to prescribe me some more drugs, yep, this time morphine lollies of all things, bet they dont come in nice flavours either though. Apparently its quick acting so I can have a quick lolly and then do a pain free poo, yeah right I doubt it but anything is worth a go. She was really nice, she said I still looked gorgeous, no wonder I liked her ;-) Anyway wont get that until the morning so double morphine tonight, yum yum, I could have been at Bon Jovi but this is so much more fun, not!
My aunt came round this afternoon with some nice pressies she bought back from France, lucky me.
Been in bed the rest of the time, now have splitting headache and need to take some drugs, in fact thats probably why i have the splitting headache and then sleep, have to leave early to see consultant tomorrow. More bloods, at least got nasty white blood cell injection out of the way today, in my poor tummy this time ;-(
Very bored of being sick I just want to do something normal like go for a girly drink or go to the movies or just wee without being in pain!
2 Days, 13 Hours and 56 Mins. Can you believe it, people keep asking me what I'm going to do after I finish the treatment, i mean I cant just end the blog, people keep reading it like the news or something. Well I will keep letting you know updates for sure, whether it will be every day, who knows, maybe depends on how exciting life is after but it doesnt feel like it will be the same. I shall almost be sad.
See you tomorrow bloggers.
T
Yes bloggers only three more treatments, radiographer said it looked so bad today she didnt think it could get any worse, thanks a bunch! They love putting the wax in, god that hurts.
Had to go in wheelchair today too far to walk, my arse has now been where pauls has been ;-) Anyway thank you very much, dead posh and thank god for the big fat cushion on it. Not sure about my chauffeur though, kept letting go of the handles cheeky sod, thought he was being funny as i veered off the kerb. Dont worry I didnt really but it was close......
Spoke to pain nurse today as she doesnt think i'm doing so good on the pain front, going to prescribe me some more drugs, yep, this time morphine lollies of all things, bet they dont come in nice flavours either though. Apparently its quick acting so I can have a quick lolly and then do a pain free poo, yeah right I doubt it but anything is worth a go. She was really nice, she said I still looked gorgeous, no wonder I liked her ;-) Anyway wont get that until the morning so double morphine tonight, yum yum, I could have been at Bon Jovi but this is so much more fun, not!
My aunt came round this afternoon with some nice pressies she bought back from France, lucky me.
Been in bed the rest of the time, now have splitting headache and need to take some drugs, in fact thats probably why i have the splitting headache and then sleep, have to leave early to see consultant tomorrow. More bloods, at least got nasty white blood cell injection out of the way today, in my poor tummy this time ;-(
Very bored of being sick I just want to do something normal like go for a girly drink or go to the movies or just wee without being in pain!
2 Days, 13 Hours and 56 Mins. Can you believe it, people keep asking me what I'm going to do after I finish the treatment, i mean I cant just end the blog, people keep reading it like the news or something. Well I will keep letting you know updates for sure, whether it will be every day, who knows, maybe depends on how exciting life is after but it doesnt feel like it will be the same. I shall almost be sad.
See you tomorrow bloggers.
T
Sunday, June 6, 2010
The Final Countdown!
Hey bloggers,
well the most excitement I've had since my last blog is an ice cold stiff rod between my legs! yes thought that would get your attention, smutty lot I know what you were thinking (and I needed to get the humour back in my blogs, I'm depressing myself reading them back), alas it was just a cool bag thing out of the freezer with a flannel wrapped round to try and aleviate the pain, well numb it to be honest. Even the tinsiest No.2 has me in a cold sweat and bauling my eyes out. Sorry to keep on but honestly you have never experienced such pain, for the girls I can only describe it as having serious red raw sunburn plus cystitis down there and then giving birth with no pain relief through your back passage. For you blokes well clearly nothing as bad as any kind of man pain so you already know pain worse than this right ;-)
Had to have quite a bit of sleep after this mornings toilet trauma and woke up to find the household fairies (aka Betty and Hubby) had been busy cleaning out the summerhouse, hubby cleaned the windows and everything. Well done my darling, he's had a tough day, I know he's been crying secretly because I saw him and my heart is so sad for that so for those of you reading that know him, please give him a hug or a kind wish tomorrow because he really needs it as much if not more than I do right now!
My boy came to cuddle me tonight, I'm always very excited when he chooses to do that, so cute but he's covered in nasty bites bless him, funnily enough I am normally too but right now I could lay naked in a room of mossies and I dont think they would be interested!
Pretty much confined to bed now as movement is pretty unbearable, particularly up and down stairs, so certainly will need to get around in a wheelchair. A VIP person from work lent theirs to me, couldnt have come at a better time, I shall enjoy plonking my bottom on it tomorrow, hope hubby doesnt drive it the same way as the car.
Only 4 more treatments folks, I know it will hurt afterwards but at least i wont have to go to St Lukes any more, I really really cant wait now. Even better my countdown clock says 3 Days (yes only 3), 13 Hours and 6 Mins.....
Night Night
x
well the most excitement I've had since my last blog is an ice cold stiff rod between my legs! yes thought that would get your attention, smutty lot I know what you were thinking (and I needed to get the humour back in my blogs, I'm depressing myself reading them back), alas it was just a cool bag thing out of the freezer with a flannel wrapped round to try and aleviate the pain, well numb it to be honest. Even the tinsiest No.2 has me in a cold sweat and bauling my eyes out. Sorry to keep on but honestly you have never experienced such pain, for the girls I can only describe it as having serious red raw sunburn plus cystitis down there and then giving birth with no pain relief through your back passage. For you blokes well clearly nothing as bad as any kind of man pain so you already know pain worse than this right ;-)
Had to have quite a bit of sleep after this mornings toilet trauma and woke up to find the household fairies (aka Betty and Hubby) had been busy cleaning out the summerhouse, hubby cleaned the windows and everything. Well done my darling, he's had a tough day, I know he's been crying secretly because I saw him and my heart is so sad for that so for those of you reading that know him, please give him a hug or a kind wish tomorrow because he really needs it as much if not more than I do right now!
My boy came to cuddle me tonight, I'm always very excited when he chooses to do that, so cute but he's covered in nasty bites bless him, funnily enough I am normally too but right now I could lay naked in a room of mossies and I dont think they would be interested!
Pretty much confined to bed now as movement is pretty unbearable, particularly up and down stairs, so certainly will need to get around in a wheelchair. A VIP person from work lent theirs to me, couldnt have come at a better time, I shall enjoy plonking my bottom on it tomorrow, hope hubby doesnt drive it the same way as the car.
Only 4 more treatments folks, I know it will hurt afterwards but at least i wont have to go to St Lukes any more, I really really cant wait now. Even better my countdown clock says 3 Days (yes only 3), 13 Hours and 6 Mins.....
Night Night
x
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Broken Glass?!
Hey bloggers,
sorry again for not doing blog last night, becoming a bit of a habit but really do seem to be struggling to find the words to write last thing at night these days.
I had double portion of broken glass No.2's last night, It honestly felt like it was ripping my insides out and then was even worse the second time, so I am going to have to rethink eating normally at this point, I just cant cope with it so snacky, liquid diet for me for the next couple of weeks until it starts getting better. I took morphine, paracetemol and all sorts and still must have been crying for at least half an hour afterwards. Then it was itching like mad and I itched and the skin came off, yep I know what you're thinking, that's enough information thank you tania, I think so too ;-) Needless to say sleep was a very blessed release last night.
The pain has woken me up early this morning so I've stuck another load of medicine down my neck and hoping I can doze off again. Connor has a football tournament bless him so that will be him disappeared for the morning. He was playing cricket with some older boys until it got dark last night love him so hope he's not too tired.
Caught up with some old friends last night which was lovely but I think thats probably my last evening outing for a couple of weeks. Time to look forward to things post treatment and post pain.
No more chemo though and only 4 radiotherapy treatments, I am so excited I cant tell you. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow in a weird way because it signals the start of the last week.
Yippee. See you later.
x
sorry again for not doing blog last night, becoming a bit of a habit but really do seem to be struggling to find the words to write last thing at night these days.
I had double portion of broken glass No.2's last night, It honestly felt like it was ripping my insides out and then was even worse the second time, so I am going to have to rethink eating normally at this point, I just cant cope with it so snacky, liquid diet for me for the next couple of weeks until it starts getting better. I took morphine, paracetemol and all sorts and still must have been crying for at least half an hour afterwards. Then it was itching like mad and I itched and the skin came off, yep I know what you're thinking, that's enough information thank you tania, I think so too ;-) Needless to say sleep was a very blessed release last night.
The pain has woken me up early this morning so I've stuck another load of medicine down my neck and hoping I can doze off again. Connor has a football tournament bless him so that will be him disappeared for the morning. He was playing cricket with some older boys until it got dark last night love him so hope he's not too tired.
Caught up with some old friends last night which was lovely but I think thats probably my last evening outing for a couple of weeks. Time to look forward to things post treatment and post pain.
No more chemo though and only 4 radiotherapy treatments, I am so excited I cant tell you. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow in a weird way because it signals the start of the last week.
Yippee. See you later.
x
Friday, June 4, 2010
Proud!
Proud mummy today, my boy and my hubby had such a nice day together today at the office and kept leaving me little messages on facebook, it was really sweet and then they came home and ripped up the old patio. Awesome work boys. Met up with my old friend Tania (yes she really does have the same name as me) and had a chat which was really nice, now got a barbie to go to tomorrow night, we are so lucky ;-)
I had tears in my eyes after she left and no it wasnt because I'll miss her before tomorrow its because I am basically pooing whole jagged pieces of glass now, its ripping my insides, I could not hide it even from Connor bless him he was so attentive but I was literally screaming in agony. Hubby really looked after me though, I feel like some little helpless old lady, cant walk, cant even go to the loo on my own these days, but inside this week helpless exterior beats a hard as nails 18 year old (i know in my dreams). I will not be beat, downed my morphine shot with a paracetemol chaser (they work better together apparently) and watched britains got talent with the boys. Snuck in a chocolate bar, yummy and now in bed rather early but really struggling with pain and staying awake. Tomorrow is another day and I get the chemo removed (yippee) and more radio (not so yippee) but after tomorrow morning it will only be four more treatments ;-)
5 days, 15 Hours and 8 Mins left, wow it really is getting close now.
Have a great weekend all.
T
I had tears in my eyes after she left and no it wasnt because I'll miss her before tomorrow its because I am basically pooing whole jagged pieces of glass now, its ripping my insides, I could not hide it even from Connor bless him he was so attentive but I was literally screaming in agony. Hubby really looked after me though, I feel like some little helpless old lady, cant walk, cant even go to the loo on my own these days, but inside this week helpless exterior beats a hard as nails 18 year old (i know in my dreams). I will not be beat, downed my morphine shot with a paracetemol chaser (they work better together apparently) and watched britains got talent with the boys. Snuck in a chocolate bar, yummy and now in bed rather early but really struggling with pain and staying awake. Tomorrow is another day and I get the chemo removed (yippee) and more radio (not so yippee) but after tomorrow morning it will only be four more treatments ;-)
5 days, 15 Hours and 8 Mins left, wow it really is getting close now.
Have a great weekend all.
T
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Morphine shot anyone?
Sorry for lack of blog last night just was absolutely exhausted and fell asleep. Progressed to shots of morphine now, oh my god there is an opportunity there, couldnt they do flavoured versions like vodka or something, it is absolutely foul, not that I've ever tasted lighter fuel but I'm sure thats what it tastes like. Hideous, actually all drinks taste hideous, chemo is giving me that lovely metallic taste so now having to add elderflower cordial to my water to make it palatable. Yum Yum.
I think I might actually have split now, I dont actually want to look, my skin looks like elephant hide and the colour isnt dissimilar either but it just feels like i have. OUCH is all I can say on the matter, and apparently I'm doing well! crikey I just cant imagine it being any worse. I walk like a bandy cowboy now, in fact I cant really walk at all, I keep waiting to turn a corner and stop getting worse on the front bit but hasnt happened yet.
Only 7 (make that 6 as just got back from another one and have carried on writing my blog)more treatments though, cant wait until tomorrow when i can say next friday i dont have to go!
Had to advertise for a chauffeur for today, bad planning in the household and no one could take me, charming, thank goodness for lovely friends coming to the rescue, poor Jo got the job. Its been so nice having lots of people taking me, made it slightly less of a chore.
I joked with the radiographers, tell them they are so mean to me, I just cant stand being serious in that miserable place. She reminded me today that it carries on working after I finish next Thursday, does she think I've forgotten, as if! Thanks for reminding me love. She pushed the wax in extra hard or maybe its just cos it hurts so much ;-) anyway i thought that was to protect me, actually its to make sure the radiotherapy goes right into the skin so in effect makes it worse, mass torture me thinketh. They are all in on it.
Not much else to report sitting in bed looking at the glorious day outside but chemo is half way through and feel a lot less sick than last time, I think it must have been the other chemo they gave me the first time that made me feel particularly bad.
6 Days, 30 Hours and 37 Mins left, yee haa, less than a week.
x
I think I might actually have split now, I dont actually want to look, my skin looks like elephant hide and the colour isnt dissimilar either but it just feels like i have. OUCH is all I can say on the matter, and apparently I'm doing well! crikey I just cant imagine it being any worse. I walk like a bandy cowboy now, in fact I cant really walk at all, I keep waiting to turn a corner and stop getting worse on the front bit but hasnt happened yet.
Only 7 (make that 6 as just got back from another one and have carried on writing my blog)more treatments though, cant wait until tomorrow when i can say next friday i dont have to go!
Had to advertise for a chauffeur for today, bad planning in the household and no one could take me, charming, thank goodness for lovely friends coming to the rescue, poor Jo got the job. Its been so nice having lots of people taking me, made it slightly less of a chore.
I joked with the radiographers, tell them they are so mean to me, I just cant stand being serious in that miserable place. She reminded me today that it carries on working after I finish next Thursday, does she think I've forgotten, as if! Thanks for reminding me love. She pushed the wax in extra hard or maybe its just cos it hurts so much ;-) anyway i thought that was to protect me, actually its to make sure the radiotherapy goes right into the skin so in effect makes it worse, mass torture me thinketh. They are all in on it.
Not much else to report sitting in bed looking at the glorious day outside but chemo is half way through and feel a lot less sick than last time, I think it must have been the other chemo they gave me the first time that made me feel particularly bad.
6 Days, 30 Hours and 37 Mins left, yee haa, less than a week.
x
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Rare Steak Anyone?
That's what the consultant says I need, lots of red meat, apparently if I get any more anaemic they wont be able to carry on treating me and I will need a blood transfusion. Nice! Told you I was feeling c**p, now I know why. White blood cells also low again, cant give me the nice little injections whilst on chemo so i get that to look foward to afterwards. So what did I get for my 5 hour round trip apart from a lot of waiting around and a sore arse! A whole bunch of drugs thats what, this is what i now have:
* Intrasite with morphine - to stick on the sore bits
* Ciprofloxacin - thats antibiotics for the infection inside
* Omeprazole - thats something to stop you getting a stomach ulcer from all the ibuprofen she wants me to ingest
* Oramorph - Neat morphine and if you dont like that you can have a little chaser of:
* Buccastem - Anti Sickness
* Metoclopramide - More Anti Sickness
* Dexamethasone - In case the other anti sickness stuff doesnt work
* Loperamide - For diarrhoea
* DulcoEase - For constipation (fat chance)
oh and some other spray for the front bit which i couldnt be arsed to wait for today so need to pick up tomorrow. And they wanted to give me some sleeping tablets but I said I can count tablets instead of sheep and get off that way.
Oh nearly forgot the bottle full of chemo...
What do you need to cheer you up after that little lot, yeah a good movie right, wrong, oh my goodness betty nightmare special, normally its a wrighty nightmare special but this one really was up there with the worst films of all time. "The Box", Cameron Diaz you should be ashamed of yourself, what a complete pile of poo.
Consolation, my boy did not reject me today, he actually wanted me to put him to bed, he kind of looked at the chemo, asked to see the bottle and then just got on with it. What a little star, I was dreading his reaction again after last time when he didnt really want to be near me. He still leans his top half away from me so as not to press against my chest but it was so nice to have a cuddle, he read really nicely to me (spongebob what else) and we had a giggle talking about girls. Apparently he cant wait until he's 18 so he can go out and all the girls will be chasing him, then cheeky monkey he said they were anyway! Cutie fell asleep in my arms love him. I mean I really really love him. Every emotion is magnified at the moment, so feel very up and down but I think a lot of that is just not feeling well and being tired too, i really cant sleep but hey ho it is 1am already so i really ought to try.
8 Days, 12 Hours and 5 Mins left, the end is almost in sight.
Night
x
* Intrasite with morphine - to stick on the sore bits
* Ciprofloxacin - thats antibiotics for the infection inside
* Omeprazole - thats something to stop you getting a stomach ulcer from all the ibuprofen she wants me to ingest
* Oramorph - Neat morphine and if you dont like that you can have a little chaser of:
* Buccastem - Anti Sickness
* Metoclopramide - More Anti Sickness
* Dexamethasone - In case the other anti sickness stuff doesnt work
* Loperamide - For diarrhoea
* DulcoEase - For constipation (fat chance)
oh and some other spray for the front bit which i couldnt be arsed to wait for today so need to pick up tomorrow. And they wanted to give me some sleeping tablets but I said I can count tablets instead of sheep and get off that way.
Oh nearly forgot the bottle full of chemo...
What do you need to cheer you up after that little lot, yeah a good movie right, wrong, oh my goodness betty nightmare special, normally its a wrighty nightmare special but this one really was up there with the worst films of all time. "The Box", Cameron Diaz you should be ashamed of yourself, what a complete pile of poo.
Consolation, my boy did not reject me today, he actually wanted me to put him to bed, he kind of looked at the chemo, asked to see the bottle and then just got on with it. What a little star, I was dreading his reaction again after last time when he didnt really want to be near me. He still leans his top half away from me so as not to press against my chest but it was so nice to have a cuddle, he read really nicely to me (spongebob what else) and we had a giggle talking about girls. Apparently he cant wait until he's 18 so he can go out and all the girls will be chasing him, then cheeky monkey he said they were anyway! Cutie fell asleep in my arms love him. I mean I really really love him. Every emotion is magnified at the moment, so feel very up and down but I think a lot of that is just not feeling well and being tired too, i really cant sleep but hey ho it is 1am already so i really ought to try.
8 Days, 12 Hours and 5 Mins left, the end is almost in sight.
Night
x
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