Dunno what is up with me bloggers, I've been pretty much asleep since I got home today at around 12pm! Shocking headache and generally feeling pants, think its too much morphine, but maybe its not enough, oh god what to do, maybe some chocolate will make me feel better, yep definitely, just sent hubby off on an errand to get some ;-)
In general very exciting day today though, Dr Essapen still says I'm doing well, even though I am red raw at the front, apparently its new skin so thats a good thing and hopefully in a few days that will be feeling a little bit better. You never know I might be able to walk again soon, although having hubby pushing me around in a wheelchair has its attractions, he was trying to do wheelies in the rain with me in it today, cheeky monkey. Got some slow release morphine to go with the other stuff today so I'm all morphine'd up. Most excitingly she said I should be able to get rid of the portacath next week, I am so so pleased about that. Waiting for the appointment but will probably be chasing that one tomorrow. They struggled to get my blood again today, as per usual but eventually I obliged and the good news is I'm ok, all the red meat must have helped and the injection yesterday is helping with the white blood cells.
I had some more lovely reflexology and a good old natter, the lady is lovely. Phil has been touting my blog out to nurses at the Nuffield so if any of them read this, if I've ever said you are enjoying inflicting pain on me..... its all true ;-) No only joking it just makes it more fun to imply that you do so please dont think badly of me. If you have any other patients that want to read my blog I'm really happy to share, i definitely want to do something to give something back to other sufferers after this is over and the very least I can do is to share my experiences. People are starting to say goodbye to me now as they may not see me again, wow that just feels amazing, strange but definitely amazing.
Just about managed to stay awake long enough for a little visit from Annabelle with more housey magazines, if I only had the money for all the things I want out of them, given me lots of cool ideas though, cant wait for the new slate patio with pergola and hot tub!
Promised myself to catch up on email and get the garden table and chairs on ebay today but failed miserably, hopefully I'll feel up to it in the morning, if I dont I'll stop getting email soon as my inbox is full up, oops!
Night for now, of course I'm feeling quite awake when I should be going to sleep, reminds me of being in hospital when i was always awake at night and asleep in the day.
See you tomorrow. 1 Day, 13 Hours and 21 Mins to go, only two more treatments, two more sleeps and hopefully no more poos! ;-)
x
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
The number is Three!
Bloody hell, sorry for swearing but just had to write this all again from memory well its roughly as I remember it as somehow managed to send my browser forward and the page was empty when i got back, grrrr!
Yes bloggers only three more treatments, radiographer said it looked so bad today she didnt think it could get any worse, thanks a bunch! They love putting the wax in, god that hurts.
Had to go in wheelchair today too far to walk, my arse has now been where pauls has been ;-) Anyway thank you very much, dead posh and thank god for the big fat cushion on it. Not sure about my chauffeur though, kept letting go of the handles cheeky sod, thought he was being funny as i veered off the kerb. Dont worry I didnt really but it was close......
Spoke to pain nurse today as she doesnt think i'm doing so good on the pain front, going to prescribe me some more drugs, yep, this time morphine lollies of all things, bet they dont come in nice flavours either though. Apparently its quick acting so I can have a quick lolly and then do a pain free poo, yeah right I doubt it but anything is worth a go. She was really nice, she said I still looked gorgeous, no wonder I liked her ;-) Anyway wont get that until the morning so double morphine tonight, yum yum, I could have been at Bon Jovi but this is so much more fun, not!
My aunt came round this afternoon with some nice pressies she bought back from France, lucky me.
Been in bed the rest of the time, now have splitting headache and need to take some drugs, in fact thats probably why i have the splitting headache and then sleep, have to leave early to see consultant tomorrow. More bloods, at least got nasty white blood cell injection out of the way today, in my poor tummy this time ;-(
Very bored of being sick I just want to do something normal like go for a girly drink or go to the movies or just wee without being in pain!
2 Days, 13 Hours and 56 Mins. Can you believe it, people keep asking me what I'm going to do after I finish the treatment, i mean I cant just end the blog, people keep reading it like the news or something. Well I will keep letting you know updates for sure, whether it will be every day, who knows, maybe depends on how exciting life is after but it doesnt feel like it will be the same. I shall almost be sad.
See you tomorrow bloggers.
T
Yes bloggers only three more treatments, radiographer said it looked so bad today she didnt think it could get any worse, thanks a bunch! They love putting the wax in, god that hurts.
Had to go in wheelchair today too far to walk, my arse has now been where pauls has been ;-) Anyway thank you very much, dead posh and thank god for the big fat cushion on it. Not sure about my chauffeur though, kept letting go of the handles cheeky sod, thought he was being funny as i veered off the kerb. Dont worry I didnt really but it was close......
Spoke to pain nurse today as she doesnt think i'm doing so good on the pain front, going to prescribe me some more drugs, yep, this time morphine lollies of all things, bet they dont come in nice flavours either though. Apparently its quick acting so I can have a quick lolly and then do a pain free poo, yeah right I doubt it but anything is worth a go. She was really nice, she said I still looked gorgeous, no wonder I liked her ;-) Anyway wont get that until the morning so double morphine tonight, yum yum, I could have been at Bon Jovi but this is so much more fun, not!
My aunt came round this afternoon with some nice pressies she bought back from France, lucky me.
Been in bed the rest of the time, now have splitting headache and need to take some drugs, in fact thats probably why i have the splitting headache and then sleep, have to leave early to see consultant tomorrow. More bloods, at least got nasty white blood cell injection out of the way today, in my poor tummy this time ;-(
Very bored of being sick I just want to do something normal like go for a girly drink or go to the movies or just wee without being in pain!
2 Days, 13 Hours and 56 Mins. Can you believe it, people keep asking me what I'm going to do after I finish the treatment, i mean I cant just end the blog, people keep reading it like the news or something. Well I will keep letting you know updates for sure, whether it will be every day, who knows, maybe depends on how exciting life is after but it doesnt feel like it will be the same. I shall almost be sad.
See you tomorrow bloggers.
T
Sunday, June 6, 2010
The Final Countdown!
Hey bloggers,
well the most excitement I've had since my last blog is an ice cold stiff rod between my legs! yes thought that would get your attention, smutty lot I know what you were thinking (and I needed to get the humour back in my blogs, I'm depressing myself reading them back), alas it was just a cool bag thing out of the freezer with a flannel wrapped round to try and aleviate the pain, well numb it to be honest. Even the tinsiest No.2 has me in a cold sweat and bauling my eyes out. Sorry to keep on but honestly you have never experienced such pain, for the girls I can only describe it as having serious red raw sunburn plus cystitis down there and then giving birth with no pain relief through your back passage. For you blokes well clearly nothing as bad as any kind of man pain so you already know pain worse than this right ;-)
Had to have quite a bit of sleep after this mornings toilet trauma and woke up to find the household fairies (aka Betty and Hubby) had been busy cleaning out the summerhouse, hubby cleaned the windows and everything. Well done my darling, he's had a tough day, I know he's been crying secretly because I saw him and my heart is so sad for that so for those of you reading that know him, please give him a hug or a kind wish tomorrow because he really needs it as much if not more than I do right now!
My boy came to cuddle me tonight, I'm always very excited when he chooses to do that, so cute but he's covered in nasty bites bless him, funnily enough I am normally too but right now I could lay naked in a room of mossies and I dont think they would be interested!
Pretty much confined to bed now as movement is pretty unbearable, particularly up and down stairs, so certainly will need to get around in a wheelchair. A VIP person from work lent theirs to me, couldnt have come at a better time, I shall enjoy plonking my bottom on it tomorrow, hope hubby doesnt drive it the same way as the car.
Only 4 more treatments folks, I know it will hurt afterwards but at least i wont have to go to St Lukes any more, I really really cant wait now. Even better my countdown clock says 3 Days (yes only 3), 13 Hours and 6 Mins.....
Night Night
x
well the most excitement I've had since my last blog is an ice cold stiff rod between my legs! yes thought that would get your attention, smutty lot I know what you were thinking (and I needed to get the humour back in my blogs, I'm depressing myself reading them back), alas it was just a cool bag thing out of the freezer with a flannel wrapped round to try and aleviate the pain, well numb it to be honest. Even the tinsiest No.2 has me in a cold sweat and bauling my eyes out. Sorry to keep on but honestly you have never experienced such pain, for the girls I can only describe it as having serious red raw sunburn plus cystitis down there and then giving birth with no pain relief through your back passage. For you blokes well clearly nothing as bad as any kind of man pain so you already know pain worse than this right ;-)
Had to have quite a bit of sleep after this mornings toilet trauma and woke up to find the household fairies (aka Betty and Hubby) had been busy cleaning out the summerhouse, hubby cleaned the windows and everything. Well done my darling, he's had a tough day, I know he's been crying secretly because I saw him and my heart is so sad for that so for those of you reading that know him, please give him a hug or a kind wish tomorrow because he really needs it as much if not more than I do right now!
My boy came to cuddle me tonight, I'm always very excited when he chooses to do that, so cute but he's covered in nasty bites bless him, funnily enough I am normally too but right now I could lay naked in a room of mossies and I dont think they would be interested!
Pretty much confined to bed now as movement is pretty unbearable, particularly up and down stairs, so certainly will need to get around in a wheelchair. A VIP person from work lent theirs to me, couldnt have come at a better time, I shall enjoy plonking my bottom on it tomorrow, hope hubby doesnt drive it the same way as the car.
Only 4 more treatments folks, I know it will hurt afterwards but at least i wont have to go to St Lukes any more, I really really cant wait now. Even better my countdown clock says 3 Days (yes only 3), 13 Hours and 6 Mins.....
Night Night
x
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Broken Glass?!
Hey bloggers,
sorry again for not doing blog last night, becoming a bit of a habit but really do seem to be struggling to find the words to write last thing at night these days.
I had double portion of broken glass No.2's last night, It honestly felt like it was ripping my insides out and then was even worse the second time, so I am going to have to rethink eating normally at this point, I just cant cope with it so snacky, liquid diet for me for the next couple of weeks until it starts getting better. I took morphine, paracetemol and all sorts and still must have been crying for at least half an hour afterwards. Then it was itching like mad and I itched and the skin came off, yep I know what you're thinking, that's enough information thank you tania, I think so too ;-) Needless to say sleep was a very blessed release last night.
The pain has woken me up early this morning so I've stuck another load of medicine down my neck and hoping I can doze off again. Connor has a football tournament bless him so that will be him disappeared for the morning. He was playing cricket with some older boys until it got dark last night love him so hope he's not too tired.
Caught up with some old friends last night which was lovely but I think thats probably my last evening outing for a couple of weeks. Time to look forward to things post treatment and post pain.
No more chemo though and only 4 radiotherapy treatments, I am so excited I cant tell you. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow in a weird way because it signals the start of the last week.
Yippee. See you later.
x
sorry again for not doing blog last night, becoming a bit of a habit but really do seem to be struggling to find the words to write last thing at night these days.
I had double portion of broken glass No.2's last night, It honestly felt like it was ripping my insides out and then was even worse the second time, so I am going to have to rethink eating normally at this point, I just cant cope with it so snacky, liquid diet for me for the next couple of weeks until it starts getting better. I took morphine, paracetemol and all sorts and still must have been crying for at least half an hour afterwards. Then it was itching like mad and I itched and the skin came off, yep I know what you're thinking, that's enough information thank you tania, I think so too ;-) Needless to say sleep was a very blessed release last night.
The pain has woken me up early this morning so I've stuck another load of medicine down my neck and hoping I can doze off again. Connor has a football tournament bless him so that will be him disappeared for the morning. He was playing cricket with some older boys until it got dark last night love him so hope he's not too tired.
Caught up with some old friends last night which was lovely but I think thats probably my last evening outing for a couple of weeks. Time to look forward to things post treatment and post pain.
No more chemo though and only 4 radiotherapy treatments, I am so excited I cant tell you. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow in a weird way because it signals the start of the last week.
Yippee. See you later.
x
Friday, June 4, 2010
Proud!
Proud mummy today, my boy and my hubby had such a nice day together today at the office and kept leaving me little messages on facebook, it was really sweet and then they came home and ripped up the old patio. Awesome work boys. Met up with my old friend Tania (yes she really does have the same name as me) and had a chat which was really nice, now got a barbie to go to tomorrow night, we are so lucky ;-)
I had tears in my eyes after she left and no it wasnt because I'll miss her before tomorrow its because I am basically pooing whole jagged pieces of glass now, its ripping my insides, I could not hide it even from Connor bless him he was so attentive but I was literally screaming in agony. Hubby really looked after me though, I feel like some little helpless old lady, cant walk, cant even go to the loo on my own these days, but inside this week helpless exterior beats a hard as nails 18 year old (i know in my dreams). I will not be beat, downed my morphine shot with a paracetemol chaser (they work better together apparently) and watched britains got talent with the boys. Snuck in a chocolate bar, yummy and now in bed rather early but really struggling with pain and staying awake. Tomorrow is another day and I get the chemo removed (yippee) and more radio (not so yippee) but after tomorrow morning it will only be four more treatments ;-)
5 days, 15 Hours and 8 Mins left, wow it really is getting close now.
Have a great weekend all.
T
I had tears in my eyes after she left and no it wasnt because I'll miss her before tomorrow its because I am basically pooing whole jagged pieces of glass now, its ripping my insides, I could not hide it even from Connor bless him he was so attentive but I was literally screaming in agony. Hubby really looked after me though, I feel like some little helpless old lady, cant walk, cant even go to the loo on my own these days, but inside this week helpless exterior beats a hard as nails 18 year old (i know in my dreams). I will not be beat, downed my morphine shot with a paracetemol chaser (they work better together apparently) and watched britains got talent with the boys. Snuck in a chocolate bar, yummy and now in bed rather early but really struggling with pain and staying awake. Tomorrow is another day and I get the chemo removed (yippee) and more radio (not so yippee) but after tomorrow morning it will only be four more treatments ;-)
5 days, 15 Hours and 8 Mins left, wow it really is getting close now.
Have a great weekend all.
T
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Morphine shot anyone?
Sorry for lack of blog last night just was absolutely exhausted and fell asleep. Progressed to shots of morphine now, oh my god there is an opportunity there, couldnt they do flavoured versions like vodka or something, it is absolutely foul, not that I've ever tasted lighter fuel but I'm sure thats what it tastes like. Hideous, actually all drinks taste hideous, chemo is giving me that lovely metallic taste so now having to add elderflower cordial to my water to make it palatable. Yum Yum.
I think I might actually have split now, I dont actually want to look, my skin looks like elephant hide and the colour isnt dissimilar either but it just feels like i have. OUCH is all I can say on the matter, and apparently I'm doing well! crikey I just cant imagine it being any worse. I walk like a bandy cowboy now, in fact I cant really walk at all, I keep waiting to turn a corner and stop getting worse on the front bit but hasnt happened yet.
Only 7 (make that 6 as just got back from another one and have carried on writing my blog)more treatments though, cant wait until tomorrow when i can say next friday i dont have to go!
Had to advertise for a chauffeur for today, bad planning in the household and no one could take me, charming, thank goodness for lovely friends coming to the rescue, poor Jo got the job. Its been so nice having lots of people taking me, made it slightly less of a chore.
I joked with the radiographers, tell them they are so mean to me, I just cant stand being serious in that miserable place. She reminded me today that it carries on working after I finish next Thursday, does she think I've forgotten, as if! Thanks for reminding me love. She pushed the wax in extra hard or maybe its just cos it hurts so much ;-) anyway i thought that was to protect me, actually its to make sure the radiotherapy goes right into the skin so in effect makes it worse, mass torture me thinketh. They are all in on it.
Not much else to report sitting in bed looking at the glorious day outside but chemo is half way through and feel a lot less sick than last time, I think it must have been the other chemo they gave me the first time that made me feel particularly bad.
6 Days, 30 Hours and 37 Mins left, yee haa, less than a week.
x
I think I might actually have split now, I dont actually want to look, my skin looks like elephant hide and the colour isnt dissimilar either but it just feels like i have. OUCH is all I can say on the matter, and apparently I'm doing well! crikey I just cant imagine it being any worse. I walk like a bandy cowboy now, in fact I cant really walk at all, I keep waiting to turn a corner and stop getting worse on the front bit but hasnt happened yet.
Only 7 (make that 6 as just got back from another one and have carried on writing my blog)more treatments though, cant wait until tomorrow when i can say next friday i dont have to go!
Had to advertise for a chauffeur for today, bad planning in the household and no one could take me, charming, thank goodness for lovely friends coming to the rescue, poor Jo got the job. Its been so nice having lots of people taking me, made it slightly less of a chore.
I joked with the radiographers, tell them they are so mean to me, I just cant stand being serious in that miserable place. She reminded me today that it carries on working after I finish next Thursday, does she think I've forgotten, as if! Thanks for reminding me love. She pushed the wax in extra hard or maybe its just cos it hurts so much ;-) anyway i thought that was to protect me, actually its to make sure the radiotherapy goes right into the skin so in effect makes it worse, mass torture me thinketh. They are all in on it.
Not much else to report sitting in bed looking at the glorious day outside but chemo is half way through and feel a lot less sick than last time, I think it must have been the other chemo they gave me the first time that made me feel particularly bad.
6 Days, 30 Hours and 37 Mins left, yee haa, less than a week.
x
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Rare Steak Anyone?
That's what the consultant says I need, lots of red meat, apparently if I get any more anaemic they wont be able to carry on treating me and I will need a blood transfusion. Nice! Told you I was feeling c**p, now I know why. White blood cells also low again, cant give me the nice little injections whilst on chemo so i get that to look foward to afterwards. So what did I get for my 5 hour round trip apart from a lot of waiting around and a sore arse! A whole bunch of drugs thats what, this is what i now have:
* Intrasite with morphine - to stick on the sore bits
* Ciprofloxacin - thats antibiotics for the infection inside
* Omeprazole - thats something to stop you getting a stomach ulcer from all the ibuprofen she wants me to ingest
* Oramorph - Neat morphine and if you dont like that you can have a little chaser of:
* Buccastem - Anti Sickness
* Metoclopramide - More Anti Sickness
* Dexamethasone - In case the other anti sickness stuff doesnt work
* Loperamide - For diarrhoea
* DulcoEase - For constipation (fat chance)
oh and some other spray for the front bit which i couldnt be arsed to wait for today so need to pick up tomorrow. And they wanted to give me some sleeping tablets but I said I can count tablets instead of sheep and get off that way.
Oh nearly forgot the bottle full of chemo...
What do you need to cheer you up after that little lot, yeah a good movie right, wrong, oh my goodness betty nightmare special, normally its a wrighty nightmare special but this one really was up there with the worst films of all time. "The Box", Cameron Diaz you should be ashamed of yourself, what a complete pile of poo.
Consolation, my boy did not reject me today, he actually wanted me to put him to bed, he kind of looked at the chemo, asked to see the bottle and then just got on with it. What a little star, I was dreading his reaction again after last time when he didnt really want to be near me. He still leans his top half away from me so as not to press against my chest but it was so nice to have a cuddle, he read really nicely to me (spongebob what else) and we had a giggle talking about girls. Apparently he cant wait until he's 18 so he can go out and all the girls will be chasing him, then cheeky monkey he said they were anyway! Cutie fell asleep in my arms love him. I mean I really really love him. Every emotion is magnified at the moment, so feel very up and down but I think a lot of that is just not feeling well and being tired too, i really cant sleep but hey ho it is 1am already so i really ought to try.
8 Days, 12 Hours and 5 Mins left, the end is almost in sight.
Night
x
* Intrasite with morphine - to stick on the sore bits
* Ciprofloxacin - thats antibiotics for the infection inside
* Omeprazole - thats something to stop you getting a stomach ulcer from all the ibuprofen she wants me to ingest
* Oramorph - Neat morphine and if you dont like that you can have a little chaser of:
* Buccastem - Anti Sickness
* Metoclopramide - More Anti Sickness
* Dexamethasone - In case the other anti sickness stuff doesnt work
* Loperamide - For diarrhoea
* DulcoEase - For constipation (fat chance)
oh and some other spray for the front bit which i couldnt be arsed to wait for today so need to pick up tomorrow. And they wanted to give me some sleeping tablets but I said I can count tablets instead of sheep and get off that way.
Oh nearly forgot the bottle full of chemo...
What do you need to cheer you up after that little lot, yeah a good movie right, wrong, oh my goodness betty nightmare special, normally its a wrighty nightmare special but this one really was up there with the worst films of all time. "The Box", Cameron Diaz you should be ashamed of yourself, what a complete pile of poo.
Consolation, my boy did not reject me today, he actually wanted me to put him to bed, he kind of looked at the chemo, asked to see the bottle and then just got on with it. What a little star, I was dreading his reaction again after last time when he didnt really want to be near me. He still leans his top half away from me so as not to press against my chest but it was so nice to have a cuddle, he read really nicely to me (spongebob what else) and we had a giggle talking about girls. Apparently he cant wait until he's 18 so he can go out and all the girls will be chasing him, then cheeky monkey he said they were anyway! Cutie fell asleep in my arms love him. I mean I really really love him. Every emotion is magnified at the moment, so feel very up and down but I think a lot of that is just not feeling well and being tired too, i really cant sleep but hey ho it is 1am already so i really ought to try.
8 Days, 12 Hours and 5 Mins left, the end is almost in sight.
Night
x
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